What It Is Like Being Depressed As A Man

Benjamin Parker

It’s being the funny kid

Lively and laughing

Through the hallways with your friends

Unnoticed in the stream of students

Carried by the tide of the day

Laughing and working

Until you get home when you work no more

It’s taking your 4 PM nap to escape the day 

Because you don’t have to laugh in your sleep

No more work to let the others know you are happy


It’s tears welled up for years that you can’t release

Not because you don’t want to, but because you cannot 

Your friends wouldn’t understand

And you don’t allow yourself to either


It’s knowing you are expected to be strong

And feeling weak when you can’t be what you are expected 

Knowing you have to be there for your divorced mom and little sister

But you cannot be there for yourself


Most of all it is the late nights

Strung out over the chasm of your own mind 

Knowing what you are but cannot be 

Sleepless but not restless

Awake but tired

Not of the night

But of the day